Thoughts

I have a nark for noting down random thoughts that crosses my mind.

My mind works in multiple segments, I have thoughts compartmentalised, I have my future, money, abroad plans, my career and last and most importantly, family.

Sometimes I feel alone, not because I'm lonely but because at that very minute there is just someone that can fill that void, it's not just anyone, it is a specific person.

I am someone who value a personalised relationship, if I feel something for you or we have something, you should be ready to give back exactly that same energy and commitment level I am dishing to you or even more.

Sometimes we like people more than they like us, it's the realisation that differentiates us from other people, for me it is the realisation that the energy I dish out is not being reciprocated that makes me unique.

I have had girls love me but I don't share the same feelings, so I understand what it means to be on the receiving end of love that you don't intend to reciprocate.

Guess what else sets me apart from people? My empathy! I constantly feel guilty, I would want to do things right by you.

I would not want to toil with emotions, play with feelings or break hearts.

Sometimes I wish those I value will see me for who I am_ a good person.

Those things I wish doesn't work out always.

I have seen many people that suits my specifications but they don't see me that way, they're too blind I would say.

It's not their fault tho, people see the things they want to see, or maybe I didn't try harder to show those good and likable sides of me.

I've had dreams of my desired future, my ideal family and my premeditated home.

I can't see how to walk into it, I don't have a plan contrary to what people think, they think I have a blueprint or something, they think I know what I'm doing only that I do not want to be open until its time but they're wrong, I don't!

I just believe and holding forth on God's promises that he won't leave me nor forsake me and that His plans for me are for good alone.

Time keeps ticking constantly and I wish I can say that I'm not bothered.

Sometimes I think these thoughts are becoming worrisome.

I think it's disturbing my concentration unless you want to tell me I have ADHD because how do you explain my little attention deficiencies here and there.

Do you all just settle anyhow? Did you wait till it was perfect or feels perfect?

I have seen the end result of failure in decision making.

I have seen life shattered, heck I'm a product of one, I do not want to make similar mistakes. 

I'm worried too about the country I am in, I pray it doesn't get worse for me here than it is now.

I don't want to regret the decision I took to stay when I could have picked up courage and leave.

Carefully peruse the thoughts running through this mind of mine, while I type this, I feel there is a void to be filled, tell me to tell you and I wouldn't know how to arrange them in chronological order.

Do I have a problem? You tell me.

While you read my thoughts, while you come into my space, don't try to take anything away, read and dump them here because they are my thoughts afterall.